Not good

Before going to the office this morning, even from last night, I already had bad feeling. As usual I felt very hard to go to office, very scared. All negative thinking came out. I thought of why I am so messed up. I felt I had failed to do all my duties, all are lack behind. I did not do them on time. And always compare with my colleagues who are very dedicated and very responsible on everything what they were doing.

I felt I can't follow their pace, so fast, and I was so slow. I felt I can't be productive. I can't contribute anything, I always gave problems instead with my carelessness.

I felt that this was not my place. I am not belong here. It is too tough for me. I tend to runaway from problems. I just want to quit. I can't continue motivating myself.

I want a place where I can do productive things. That they want me there. That I can contribute things.

Today, I was very stressed until do not know why my left hand shaking by itself when I carried a paper. Right hand is ok. I remembered my father also had the same thing, which in the end it was because one of the enzymes not working properly and I saw on tv also a lady who can't control her hand, shaking, and going to die. Am I?

Sighhh......I don't like here, want to gat out from here.