Be Thankful!

I felt very ashame of myself after reading one of my friend's blog. How she's always thankful in every word she wrote. Not like my blog, it's always full of complaining and complaining. I am actually put my nickname in the MSN 'every day-give thanks', but honestly I can't. I put that, so it will remind me to give thanks, but I can't. I always think negatively about everything related to my work. Why I am so childish? My life is full of worried. How to be surrender? This is the main issue that I think my God wants me to learn, but until now I still can't. Once a while yes, but can't most of the time. Is it a wrong decission to quit the job? Is it considering I am running from the circumstances? It's already 1.5 years, yet still I am the same person that worried, fear every single day in my life.

What am I doing today this early morning on Sunday? I woke up because of a call from office! And started to get worried for what is happening in the office on last Friday since I was not coming. I felt really guilty. If I felt I am very stressed, I will take a day leave, an urgent leave. Isn't it same as running from reality and not face it? I really pity my backup colleague who's suffered because of me. How can I face reality and be a grown up? I felt that I can't accept the reality that grown ups must work and accept responsibilities. I want to be in my safe inner shell. Safe from people scoldings, people expectations. I don't want to go out, I am scared, I felt that I can't adjust. But is it the right choice? O Lord...help me to understand what's this meaning of life, to learn how to live according to Your will. Hopefully my taking break back in Indonesia will refresh me and give me new opportunity to try baravely something else to explore what God has planned for me in my life.