No life purpose

When we heard for a purpose driven life (like Rick Warren book), we already know what it is (or perhaps we fed up with it already). To glorify God and enjoying Him. Another one is to be like Christ / to achieve the perfection in Christlikeness ( I heard the sermon about this just yesterday). It’s all the thing that we shd have for our life. Last time I searched for the meaning of life, and now I found it (theoritically), and now what?

I felt strange. Although I know all those things, but when it came to my own life I felt hopelesness, I felt empty. How is it to glorify God, to be Christlikeness, if me myself even do not know what to do next in future after I quit my job. My life currently feel like an empty white paper that I don’t know what to write on.

I don’t get it, why we have to work after graduation. And we don’t like our work. Why I need to study so hard just to do something which I can’t enjoy and the bad news is for THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! Hua……………………………………aaaa…………… (can you hear me screaming?) It’s just like a nver ending nightmare, just until you died and you woke up. Sigh…Do I need to wait that long?

I can’t see anything, I am blind. I don’t know what to do next, at least I knew I don’t like this industry, still need to search others, but I felt discourage and do not want to search more. I felt like moving out to other country or becoming an admin officer which will make my mom and dad scream as well together with me.

Sigh….such a difficult choices in life. I will go back to Indon on end of this month to meditate, hope that God will whisper me what He wants me to do. In the mean time, I am planning to take guitar lesson! Yup…..an intensive one for 1 month, so I can sing a song with it. Last time I always wonder for a boyfriend who can play guitar so I can sing with him. But at least my bf still can sing, although he can’t play any instruments (perhaps trumpet? Based on his story). But honestly, I don’t like his type of voice, for choir one. I like the one for Pop, and I always think Pop is cool!

So….since he can’t play guitar, I decided to learn for myself, my voice is a pop type one (haha..I am proud of it), although not too good, but for my own listening, it’s consider ok. I felt my KTB will be more cheerfull as well with guitar to sing praises, and will be helpful in the field.

Talking about future, always made me gloomy. I felt like black clouds surround me, and then a monster came out (hahaha…so anime, just like monster from sailor moon).

I was thinking of taking the Book Ship Doulos, to gain some experience in the ship for 2 months, if my parents ok with it. At first I felt I can’t do it, but somehow, I felt encourage. Hahaha perhaps due to the experience to go oversea also (Australia). If everything ok, I am going to apply to go on 13th June-13th August. But it’s just delaying myself to look for job, since I don’t have desired to look for one either.

Sigh……..helppp………what I am going to be with this condition?